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cry.........
Thursday, March 31, 2005 @ 9:12 am

dunno when u'll be reading this..
but i reallie dunno how to tell u by sms, by phone, in person
so i wrote here..

me nt purposely dun wan to force u arh
is i she bu de force
cuz i dun like to be forced too much
therefore, u, the person i ____,
how am i suppose to do sth, tt me myself dun like, to u??
can u understand?
when i force my snr,
u noe wad i'm telling him?
i said "haha.. must learn how to force ppl le.. so tt i'll noe how to force him next time"
for u, i'm already learning how to force ppl le...
but when i see u..
i juz couldn't allow myself to force u arh..
how i wish one day i can reallie force a person successfully le,
den i'll dare to force u...
if nt force de bu hao,
will only make u more miserable...

nt only once,
i feel tt i'm playing the guy's part in our relationship
this relationship is wad relationship i oso can't gif it a proper name
i'm initiating most of the time?
everytime after sch...
how i wish u can at least once...
at least once to sms me first...
everytime i look at my phone,
it is blank de...
see the phone blank...
my heart oso blank diao le..
everyday... everytime...
until i dun dare to she wang u will sms me first after sch
when other gal friends tell me abt how sweet their relationship wif the guy they like is..
i'll ask myself: how cum the sweetness i'm experiencing aren't the same as theirs?
at first i thought it's cuz u r a different guy from them...
eventuallie, i realised the sweetness i've gotten...
isn't wad a normal gal get...
other gals feel sweet becuz the guy initiated in sth...
becuz tt guy noe how to hong them....
nt tt u dunno how to hong a gal la...
but juz... when u sae u dunno tt i oso need to be hong...
i feel rather disappointed lohx...
i'm a gal afterall lehx...
ya...? i'm a gal!~
i oso need to be hong..
i oso hope tt u can be initiative..
i oso hope tt i dunnid to initiate everything everytime...
is it cuz i everytime initiate...
u eventuallie think i dunnid to be hong?
cuz initiating is wad a GUY do normally...
n ur thinking will eventually think i'm more to a guy?

u dun ask me to go find other guy...
no use lo..
all these things i only hope to get from u...
other guys can be wad i wan...
and so?
i dun care arh
i only hope u can be wad i wan..
u understand?

maybe reading le all these u may think i'm selfish
wan u to be this, to be that..
yet i'm nt wad u wan?
this one... u haf to tell me le...
cuz i reallie dunno, DUNNO, wad u wan exactly....
shedding tears....
very painful de...
nt eyes pain...
is heart pain....

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disappointed =[[
Monday, March 28, 2005 @ 12:50 pm

hmmmx... i'm disappointed bah??
started to haf this feeling on for these 2 hrs?
haha... dunno lehx...
i reallie hope tt i can stop initiating sth lehx...
no matter wad...
i think i'm a gal after all ba?
somethings i think shld be guy do for gal de?
nt gal do it... den receive sth tt she's happie abt?
haha... dunno wad i'm saying again la......

anyway... guys out there....
be sweet to gals k?
be more initiative k?
cuz when gals initiate long le.....
they will feel sad over ur bei dong de....
they may nt stop loving u or love u lesser
but they will only start to feel sad ba?
if u love tt gal...
u mustn't let her feel sad....
if nt u will becum a jerk in others' eyes...
though u'll nvr be one in that gal's eyes...

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when u are unhappy..
Saturday, March 26, 2005 @ 12:00 pm

when u are unhappy...
will u wan to cry out..?
or will u wan to act strong?
when u are unhappy...
will wan to keep to urself?
or will u tell someone whom u trust?
when u are unhappy...
will u tell the person who make u unhappy?
or will u keep it from him/her 4eva?

haha... dunno y thought of this la...
actuallie i dunno if i'm happy or unhappy today
nth reallie happened?
but i juz can't keep myself happy for the whole day
once i'm alone, nt doing ath
i'll start thinking of things..
wah? stupid la hor?
but think it is at least better than ytd la..
so maybe tmr i'll be fine le =P..
yes... i must be... [hopefully]

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wad do i/u/we/they wan???
Thursday, March 24, 2005 @ 1:30 pm

actuallie... who noe wad we reallie wan now?
haix... the only thing i noe is...
i dun wan to get sth that shld nt belong to me...
i dun wan to snatch anything tt doesn't belong to me
i dun wan to force anyone to do anything he/she dun wan to do...
i dun wan to let others feel uneasy in forcing him/herself
in conclusion... if the thing is nt fated to be mine...
i wun force it to be mine......
aiya... i stupid la...
i oso dunno wad i wan to do...
shihhan sae i shld gif us a break...
for me to think wad i reallie wan....
will i reallie wan to take a break?
even if i need it.....
i very scared history repeats itself....
reallie...
i can't imagine me taking another da ji ba....
i oso can't bring myself to take another risk in losing him
i reallie very scared....
but.... if i dun take this break...
will more probs arise??
maybe this break can do us gd?
I DUNNO LA~!!
HELP ME~!!!!

whole day eyes were watery lohx...
i'm sure i'm nt sleepy...
cuz my eyes isn't tired...
but body is tired lehx...
bite my lips when eating...
tears almost came out...
i normally wun de lohx...
y this time my tears so bu zhen qi?
i only bite my lips ma..
lips pain only...
you bu shi xin tong....
maybe heart n lip pain at the same time ba.....
haix.....

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my first [1 year]
Monday, March 21, 2005 @ 1:00 pm

today spent almost e whole day at home
went out for breakfast n dinner only
haha.. anyway... today has special meaning for me...
so quite look forward to today lohx...
but too bad.. wun sae la.. =P...
juz haf a special meaning lohx.. =P..
many ppl haf the same memory as me de la...
my best fren shld noe wad i'm toking abt...
and oso ppl related to my memory will noe oso la...
hope i can haf more of this day in future lohx...
i dun mind having this day for the rest of my whole life...
reallie.. =P

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fast 2 hrs +
Saturday, March 19, 2005 @ 12:10 pm

many ppl sae unhappy times will pass very slowly....
as if the time is crawling...
the second hand of the clock is stucked half way...
the more u wan to let it pass quickly...
the slower it will be....

haha.. den if we look it in another way...
happy times will pass very quickly le rite?
as if the time is flying....
the second hand is out of control...
the more u wan to extend it...
the faster it will be...?
haha... quite true la... hor?
today had a fast 2 hrs + in the afternoon...
had a chat on phone...?
but the time like pass damn fast lohx....
hmmmx... hope next time can haf more of such 2 hrs in future lohx... hahaha...

dunno if u r here reading la... if u r... dun guess who did i chat to... haha.. cuz the person is u... =P

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Sw|mMiNg PiGs~
Wednesday, March 09, 2005 @ 12:22 pm

woah~ we were dismissed from sch at 10.30AM today~!
so shiok~!
haha... cuz our sch's o lvl result very good ma...
so half day off as a form of celebration...
good hor?
haha... so we went swimming together after sch today...
my "we" refers to shirlynn, amerlyn, jiaqi, meiyu jiaqi and of cuz me myself lohx.. =P
we went to jiaqi's aunt's condo to swim...
haha.. juz opposite my hse?
but still faraway from my hse la...
first time i go swimming wif them wor? haha...
haha.. den we had piggyback on each other in the water...
haha.. cuz like tt nt heavy at all ma...
den amer use her leg to "giap" my thigh... haha..
i so bu xi guan... itchy itchy de... haha...
gao xiao lohx...
den we oso tok in the pool... haha...
like the whole pool is ours lohx.. =P
tok abt many things ba? but mostly abt same thing
haha... dunno lehx... tok le makes me somehow think alot ba?
hmmmx... dunno la...
sae i choose to act blur or wad oso can...
but tt is the only way i can continue our ______ship ba...

we swam for 3 hrs i think? haha.. until reallie so tired lohx
come home n paralysed on sofa le...
den went nanny hse to slp for 1 hr? =P
reallie v tired...
now body hot hot de...
hope din't get sunburn ba...
haha.. if i got sunburn...
think amer n meiyu will be worse le... haha

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I nvr had a dream come true
Sunday, March 06, 2005 @ 1:31 pm

haha.. suddenly come across this LOVELY song again... heard from my bro's fren's blog... long time didn't listen le.. so nice.. luv its lyrics...

everybody's got somethin'
they had to leave behind
one regret from yesterday
that just seems to grow with time
there's no use looking back or wonderin'
how we could be now or mighta been
oh this I know
but still I can't find ways to let you go
I never had a dream come true
till the day that I found you
even though I pretend that I've moved on
you'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
you're the one I think about each day
and I know no matter where life takes me to
a part of me will always be with you
somewhere in my memoryI've lost all sense of time
and to my world could never be'cause yesterday is all that fills my mind
there's no use looking back or wonderin'
how it should be now or mighta been
oh this I know
but still I can't find ways to let you go
I never had a dream come true
till the day that I found you
even though I pretend that I've moved on
you'll always be my baby
I've never found the words to say
you're the one I think about each day
and I know no matter where life takes me to
a part of me will always be-
you'll always be the dream that fills my head, yes you will, say you will, you know you will oh baby
you'll always the one I know I'll never forget
there's no use lookin' back or wonderin'
because love is a strange and funny thing
no matter how I try and try I just can't say goodbye
I never had a dream come true
till the day that I found you
even though I pretend that I've moved on
you'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say
you're the one I think about each day
and I know no matter where life takes me to
a part of me will always be-
a part of me will always be with you

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N.E learning JoUrNey
Saturday, March 05, 2005 @ 12:16 pm

haha.. today went for excursion wif 4o7...
quite an interesting trip lehx...
went HPB [a place tt i dun reallie lyk.. =P]...
went to the healthzone there...
quite fun there lehx.. haha..

we went in there den got many nice nice things lohx...
gt the playground there?
den xinyi almost wan to pull me up to play lohx...
haha.. i dun wan go la..
so long time nvr go playground play le lohx.. haha..
so bu xi guan le lohx... haha...
but the most fun thing there was the "snake n ladder" ba?
haha.. we walk inside until sian le den intend to come out to slack..
den saw 2 guys playing the "snake n ladder".. haha..
gao xiao lohx..den they told us how to play..
in de end, me, xinyi, shiyun, june, weiling played lohx...
wif ivy n baboon there to help us press de button tt act as dice..
reallie v fun lohx.. haha.. l
uff until du zi tong le...

wondering whether there will be another excursion wif 4o7 nt lohx...
haix... o lvl coming le..
maybe no chance le loh?
hope there is la.. ahha

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Well, common & popular ones would be CBOX & SHOUTMIX